I'm Not Afraid To Lose People Anymore So I Have Honest Conversations & Speak My Mind
Have honest conversations and speak what’s on your mind.
This doesn’t always have to be friends either this can be with anyone.
But it’s important that you do it with friends too.
This is number 5 on my list of things I’ve learned over these past few months.
There’s a total of 12 things and I could have started with number 1: Love Openly, but 5 is what I felt called to write.
Communication is soo big for me.
It wasn’t until this year that this really became apparent to me as something I NEED to have in my life. It is something I absolutely will not compromise on. I tried and that irritated the fuck outta me.
If you don’t know, I moved to Atlanta a little over a year ago and have really made it a point to have intentional relationships aka friendships aka ultimately intentional sisterhoods with women in the area.
I want to make sure that if I did call you my friend aka my sister that you deserved the title. That may sound a bit stuck up to some and hell it may be, I’m just really picky on who I share my energy with as I should be and maybe so should you.
So anyways, as I have been getting to know people, I have been able to observe and experience how others communicate or don’t communicate. And this has been a shocker for me lol but also a great learning lesson.
It is literally a PET PEEVE of mine when people don’t communicate.
Some people are texters and some are not texters, but in this day and age if we are not talking on the phone, then texting is honestly the best option for communication, especially for me.
If I am working on getting to know you and we not hanging out like that, and I am aiming for a deeper relationship not a shallow relationship, then bloop, texting it is lol.
So at the end of the day , If I text someone, I expect a text back.
I would also prefer it to be in the same 24 hours but can understand if that is not always the case.
This has been a challenge for me because I have met some wonderful folks but the texting was lagging on their end, and that frustrated the SHIT 💩💩💩 outta me lol. I just couldn’t understand for the life of me how you just don’t message someone back and could go days without getting back to them.
To me this is inconsiderate.
If you can’t message me back or have the courtesy to, then there is no way I can build with you. That’s just what it is to me.
And that doesn’t make anyone that can’t do this a bad person it just means they are not the type of person I want in my life. It would cause too much displeasing energy for me. This is good to know because not everyone is for everyone.
And don’t get me wrong , I have tried to accommodate others and their communication style, but man, when I did that, that didn’t feel right to me.
It was like I was putting apart of me down in order to accommodate someone else and I wasn’t living true to my spirit.
I soon gained the understanding that this is just my preference and if people were going to be in my life they needed to know this. I needed to explain this to them to see how and if we would be moving forward in our friendship.
You see if I don’t get a message back, I just won’t message you at all until I hear from you and if you are truly worth it, you will gain an honest conversation from me.
What do I mean by this?
I had to have some honest conversations about how I was feeling and really speak my mind about how BIG communication was for me and if this was too much for some then we couldn’t and should not move forward in a continued friendship.
How did I do this?
I waited until I heard back from a friend and instead of really engaging in what they had to say I told them to call me and from there proceeded with the conversation on how communication is just not something I can compromise on. I then explained how communication looked and worked for me and why it was soo important. Then I would hear them out and I made sure to ask this question before ending our conversation:
Would you like to continue to move forward in building this sisterhood, knowing all of this?
For me it was important that this question was answered with a yes or no, so no one is confused lol.
One thing I noticed after even making the decision to have these kind of honest conversations with friends was that if I was feeling frustrated, I immediately felt less frustrated. It was like after I chose myself, my whole body knew I chose myself and stopped being agitated.
Choosing myself was demonstrated with having these types of honest and very much uncomfortable conversations with my friends and even acquaintances. But it felt soo damn freeing after it was over. It was like I got a huge ass weight off my chest. I felt free. I could fly lol.
I even met someone recently off of a friend app and she was a wonderful person, but I noticed that I didn’t feel like it was an automatic YES in my spirit to befriend her.
So you know what I did?
I told her that I didn’t want to continue building a friendship and have her waste her time contacting me. I wished her well with other friendships and told her that it really wasn’t her it was me and she said Thank you and that was the end of that.
But you see how much energy and time was saved by being honest? There was no ghosting or disappearing on people just upfront is this gonna work or is it not honesty.
One thing I have began to understand with having the ovaries to have honest conversations is that : You Cant Be Afraid To Lose People Anymore.
I think many times we avoid having honest conversations with friends or potential friends because we feel as if we do we will lose them.
“They will think I’m crazy, demanding and they will never want to speak to me again.” I’ve had these thoughts before. And you know what I say to this:
SO FUCKING WHAT!?
Shit you may be crazy and demanding but that doesn’t make you any less valuable and that doesn’t mean that someone else down the line won’t see your value as well.
If they decide to leave and not want to continue in a friendship with you IT IS OKAY. You see they are choosing themselves as well and they understand what they can compromise on and what they can’t.
This is wonderful for both parties involved.
You ultimately want to be in relationships where you can have honest conversations where you can speak your mind freely. If you can’t do that then what type of relationship do you have really?
Is it really even authentic? Is it real? I would say it isn’t.
I am all about real , honest and raw relationships moving forward in my later twenties and on. I can’t do the fake, shallow or spare my feelings relationships anymore.
So I challenge you to think about this when it comes to your own relationships.
Can you have an honest conversation and speak what’s on your mind?
Are you still afraid to loose people? If so think about why.
I affirm you enjoyed this read love and if you didn’t it’s okay lol, I still love you.
Let me know your thoughts below by commenting. Can you relate?
This piece and all pieces on this site are written by me OlanikeeOsi. I am a self-love manifestor helping other women love themselves while on my own self-love journey. I have an app called SelfishBabe and am the CEO & Founder of Goddess Detox Inc and #SelfishBabe. I am exploring life and all parts of me and my writings reflect where I am currently.
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