My Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Release: Shedding Light On My Truth 🌕

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So I’ve had this side of myself that I didn't allow to be fully expressed.

In fact I think at first I was in denial about it, then I ignored it, then I sexualized it as JUST a sexual fantasy.This is my story on my attraction to women.

I'm 26 years old and I can now say that I find women attractive and not just in a sexual fantasy manner but on a human to human manner.

This is new for me, to express this truth I have been dealing with/hiding since high school.

In high school is when I really noticed that I thought girls were cute lol. I met this girl and felt nervous around her, like butterflies red cheeks blushing nervous lol.

 

She had a skater style to her which I liked. I’ve hung around her a few times but never got around to telling her how I felt.I didn’t know how and honestly I was still figuring out the new feeling of having a crush on another girl.

In high school I was also asked if I wanted to participate  in a threesome by a couple I knew. Lol crazy right?

We all hung out and fantasized about the idea but never actually moved on it. I  did however make out with the girlfriend on my prom night. This was my first ever intentional girl on girl kiss lol. I really enjoyed it, but that’s all it ever was.

During these experiences I would think, well I’m just sexually attracted to women, I would never get into a relationship with one.

It was like I boxed in my attraction to women as JUST a sexual fantasy to live out. So for a while, I just went  about  my life as normal, dating guys and only exploring the “I am attracted to males side of me".

I got married at 19 with a guy, divorced at 23 and now in another relationship with a man who loves me dearly.

I can honestly say that the relationship I have now is with a man who  understands how important it is for me to know who I am.

He told me "You can’t learn to fully love yourself without exploring all of who you are".

You see I had a conversation with my long term boyfriend of 3 years now, telling him that I still had “have sex with a woman“ on my life check list. That although we are in a relationship and I know we will be married I still wanted to do this.

At first he didn’t understand and wasn’t on board with the idea. But he did some googling and saw that many men have asked this question on google: “ my girlfriend/ wife says she's interested in women what to do?” lol.

I found this funny but I was happy about it because it meant many other women felt this way. They wanted to explore their attraction to women although they are in full time relationships with men. 

So he literally gave me his consent to explore this side of myself. He said I didn’t have to give details on what was happening but I told him in order for me to show my respect for him as my man that I was going to keep him in the loop. So that’s what I’ve been doing.

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I am now openly exploring my attraction to women.

I want to let you know that there have been some major shifts in doing so. At first, like I mentioned earlier, I just thought it was a sexual fantasy I wanted to have but now I have come to realize that no it’s literally a human to human attraction with feelings involved.

Like now I could actually see myself engaging in a romantic relationship with a woman, where this was never a thought before (not something I am looking into, just an example of how my perspective has changed). I have also come to understand feelings of jealousy and nervousness that can come up when  being attracted to another woman. 

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My attraction to women wasn’t just a sexual thing and I am happy to have come to know this.

When I first defined my attraction to women as a sexual fantasy, that was another way for me to lie to myself, another reason to not fully explore more of who I was. “Oh it’s just a fantasy , it’ll go away” was the thought I had for a good 5 years of my life.

 After high school and during my time in college, I would see some women as attractive after getting to know them a bit but never made a move. Only leaving it as a mere wish.

As I am in the later 20’s stage of my life this will no longer do.

 It is vital that I explore all of who I am, even parts of me I have hid from family and friends.

In order for me to call myself a #SelfishBabe, a women who selfishly and authentically loves herself all of me has to be seen.

I can now happily say that my name is Vanessa OlanikeeOsi  and I find women attractive and am openly and honestly exploring this side of myself all while being in a relationship with my man.

My journey of self-love is ever changing and ever expanding shedding light on things I’ve held in the dark.

I’m not going to go into details of how I am doing this as this is a work in progress and I am not rushing myself but I would highly suggest that if you are in the same boat to check out this amazing sister Ev'Yan Whitney out, @Evyan.Whitney on Instagram.

She literally has a whole blog and podcast about this on her website. I am grateful for her as she has been one of the women I’ve looked towards to navigate this new space I am in.

I wanted to share my story as my Full Moon Lunar Eclipse release July 2018. I release this truth and continue to shed who I was into all of who I am. 

I am me and my authenticity to who I am is important to me. I affirm that your authenticity is just as important to you and that you find new ways to share your own truth.

Comment below your thoughts on what you just read. Could you relate? What came up for you while reading?

This piece and all pieces on this site  are written by me OlanikeeOsi. I am a self-love manifestor helping other women love themselves while on my own self-love journey. I have an app called SelfishBabe and am the CEO & Founder of Goddess Detox Inc and #SelfishBabe. I am exploring life and all parts of me and my writings reflect where I am currently.

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